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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Walking Away

I’ve always loved arguments in whatever form and either delivered good-naturedly or passionately. In blaring verbal sparring. Or the soundless yet lethal way, in writing. I am only human enough to succumb to the temptation of retorting. And ruefully I must admit, it is not so above me to throw back icy remarks. :-( I prefer these over chilling and unnerving silence. In both directions.

But maybe as one grows older…and maybe itsy-bitsy wiser (which is not always the case!), walking away becomes the sensible thing to do. They always say be man enough to walk away from a fight. To me, it really means be humanely human enough to let things pass, to let it go, to walk away. In a dignified manner, in silence. I find good reasons to pick which battle to take on, which to let go. Sometimes it works for the best to not necessarily make a mad dash to each and all. And that walking away is not exactly a bad idea. If one says you lost that battle by walking away, then so be it. Does it also come to mind that it also forfeits a chance to severing ties, to hurting people?

Letting loose torrents of words, that one doesn’t really mean but is -at times- only a product of an emotional upheaval, can do more damage than keeping one’s silence. Even permanent damage to relationships. When people say that comments, barbed or not, are just words that don’t wield enough power to hurt, I beg to differ. Words hurt, not as much – to some- as any physical blow. But to me, they hurt all the same. Alright, with time and maybe some great effort, the open wounds heal. But things may never be the same again. And to me, they even leave deeper scars. Keloidal scars.

But self-righteously, I -and others- also ask why not, why can’t I defend myself (hurt back)? I am also human enough to have these battles within me, to find excuses to lash out. I lose some because I let it go and walk away, but I lose more because I give in.

My husband, he would always tell me to guard my tongue at the height of my anger lest I end up regretting everything or anything that comes out of it. Guess, I'm better off without saying a word then.

So let me just calmly walk away now and retreat to my mental space.

1 comment:

grace said...

Yeah sometimes not talking back helps...