Hmppp!

I flunked the driving accreditation and I wanted to shrug my shoulders and flippantly say I'm good, I'm okay but I know that wouldn't come out right.

I did flunk the driving accreditation.

The what?!@!. C'mon now, don't make me feel so bad more than I already am. Sniff, sniff. I am already down with the "greens." Kermit says it's the "greens" so blame him for the term. Obviously, I've been watching more than enough Sesame Street these days. With the ever active tot Matt. Anyway, I am getting ,in human language, bluer and bluer I could pass up as a wallpaper of the sky or be the sky and not get noticed that it has taken a human form. I just feel so defeated, so sore. Depressed. Miserable. Low. Sad. All that and more. (Maybe theatrics but partly true.)

Yup, I failed the goddamn actual exam. I rarely cuss, next to never but just lemme have my time now. I lost it! Flunked! Arrrgh! No official email was released yet but I know I must have been recommended for 10-year development plan in driving!

What happened? I was in the office at almost 10AM, my father drove me to the office in mad rush. When I came, the guys had just started taking their turn with the wheel. So I waited. Lunch time came but the line of guys for accreditation wasn't even halfway through. So I ate my lunch and waited again. 1 PM...2 passed quickly as it came... 3 went by. A little over 3, I was all nerves thinking that I'll be having my turn anytime now. But the fellow incharge said he'll have to make a go for the city driving with the guys first. Kaboom. I could have yelled, do you want to give me my chance or what? But I don't want to screw up my chances. (And did I mention that I was the only female specie to queue for an accreditation then? Uh-oh). So I retreated in silence, fuming, nevertheless. I waited again. 4PM came and there was still no sign of getting my turn. Might as well sleep.

And sleep, I did. Really did. For over an hour. Rested, oh yes. But grouchy as old Max. And irritated to say the least, because (can you believe it?) the car (used for the accreditation) was still not parked outside as I had hoped. No, not even its shadow. Kablaam.

Bummer, in a major way. So you see, even before I took the wheel, I was already having the time of my life.

After what seemed like ages, I finally took the driver's seat. Because I am barely 5 ft tall, I made major adjustments to the pick-up seat so that reaching the clutch pad when I flex my ankle is possible. (Never mind that it's not comfortable, it could never be when I had to flex my legs and ankle all the way every time I step on the clutch, which is always!). And its mirrors, so I have at least a vision of the motorists and pedestrians around me. As I took hold of the steering wheel which dominantly and menacingly occupied all spaces, I had this silly thought of a 3-yr old perched on the dump truck's driver seat. (Really, the odds are far more than I expected. I couldn't stop thinking I stand a fair chance if I drive a sedan for accreditation but that would be dreaming for the moon).

Anyway, I went past through the gate to the road without a hitch. Without a hitch, all right but guilty as hell of committing a sin of omission-- of forgetting to use the seatbelt! In my frantic state to get over the exam, I completely forgot to fasten my seatbelt, which was silently dangling by my side like a miserable fool. Major sin! (I always use the seatbelt despite the example of around 99% of the drivers this side of the globe who don't seem to know of its existence or if he does, never use it. And just when my life depended on it. Urgh, some good impression I made there!). But it's never too late to correct myself, so after my initial err, bewilderment, I stopped and put the belt in place.

I was already revving to 2nd, then 3rd gear. Through the crooks and bends, I saw myself driving like a girl worthy to be in a James' Bond movie. Suave. Cool and.. At this opportune time, a party of our canine friends chose to cross the road and I hit hard on the brakes. Kaboom. The fellow in the passenger seat then opened his mouth and gave me a dose of the animal rights lecture. He was saying respect over and over again as if I'm some animal serial killer. I wasn't going to hurt anybody, was I? And that's why I put the brakes into good use, right? One more comment and I would have retorted. Good thing, he must be a mind-reader because he shut his mouth at the right second. Haaay, I could only roll my eyeballs skyward (and to think that I was driving!).

But I did find time to redeem myself. The drive way back to the office was fairly smooth, I almost congratulated myself. If not for that stupid stone the size of a regular baseball cap that appeared out of nowhere and sat in the middle of the road some hundred meters away from the office, I could have nudge the fellow beside me and coaxed him to forget about my previous blunders. But it must have been my lucky day and lucky me that at this very important day, the stars chose to shower me with cute little surprises in neat packages called obstructions, distractions, difficulties, and whatnot. And trust me, I never run out of ways to make a mess of my chances (if there had been any from the start). And oh the stone, it caught me by surprise and in my confusion, I miscalculated my way, hitting it maybe by the side of one wheel and making it fly under me. I would have imagined the finale of this ride was a thunderous applause like in the movies but no, mine was an audible metal clunk. Toink!

So the moment I parked the truck, I carefully disengaged myself and walked out of the car without speaking a word to that fat, short guy in the passenger seat. I came home feeling dejected. But as if the humiliation I've been through was not enough, my number one critic, who is also called Papa, enumerated a totally looooong list of what to improve in my driving that I could only pant and gasp for air. I just wanted to cry and tell him to patronize me just this one time (although I've always been into the do-not-patronize-me advocacy all the time). But in my glum state, I found it reasonable to just keep my mouth shut this time, albeit with so much difficulty and retreat in my private mental space. In the verge of tears. Haaaay. What ever happened to the Bond girl wanna-be, I can only guess!