Thinking of Connector Replacement, Think eConnek

Do you go to surplus shops to look for connector replacement? We – me and my teammates- actually do this when we run out of supply of telco equipment connectors (i.e BNC, TQ – I’m sorry I’m speaking jargon) which come with the equipment upon ordering from the manufacturer. But there are times when we run out of these, thus the surplus shop trips.

But now, as I browse through eConnek, which is dedicated in providing a cheaper alternative to electrical part replacement, I found out that we can order replacement of various electrical connectors used in telecommunications. Not only that, they also provide replacement for connector parts used in medical and industrial manufacturing as well.


So do you need metal or plastic connectors? Check eConnek. They provide high quality push-pull connectors (plastic and metal circular plugs and receptacles) but at a lower price. Also, their replacement to medical connector parts are designed to work with any brand-name manufacturers devices.

eConnek.com accepts online orders 24/7 and ships all domestic orders thru United Parcel Service (UPS) and international shipment via FedEx or UPS. All you have to do is create an account with them, login to the account, and place order in a shopping cart. When you order, eConnek gives you the liberty to choose between standard 3 business day and the basic 5 to 7 business day shipping options. They also guarantee safe and secure transaction by using industry standard SSL technology to protect your privacy and credit card information while you order. If you need help or follow up your order, you can also contact them by calling at (877) 568-0451 Monday through Friday, from 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM EST and/or emailing them at info@eConnek.com. Also tracking information is provided upon order completion, so that you can check status of shipment thru UPS or FedEx website.

Fire, No Fire

I was typing (a post :D) in the office while England Dan was serenading me when my officemate peeked in the office and said, "Did you see the fire?"

Fire?!? With my heart beating like hooves of galloping horses, I jumped off my seat and head for the front door.

A small crowd of curious onlookers was already gathering down the street, just outside the gate. And I spotted a TV station news crew, possibly from the TV network sitting beside our building, already capturing a video.

Then there it was, near the transformers on one of the electric post right at the corner of our fence. It was just a small fire, but one which could spread easily to the fiber optic cables installed up there and to God-knows-where. It was slowly eating the rubber insulations of some cables.

It's controlled now, thanks to the guards and the thing called Halotron but I'm still a little jarred and finding it hard to breathe. Guess, I need to chill out, maybe listen to Gregorian music and munch comfort food, so off I go now.

Tackle It- Emails Atbp

"You've got mail." What a pleasant announcement that is. Receiving mails always brighten my day. Almost always, that is (depending on the content :D).

But when it says you've got near a thousand mails, how'd you feel? A thousand! Oh, water please.

When I got in the office today and found a lot of mails waiting for my attention, I felt this strong desire to get a shovel and start digging. Smile!

Thus, my tackle today is my mails. I've actually started my "digging" but I have yet to sort through the piles of emails in my other e-mailboxes.

After my initial digging, my office mailbox says I still have 701 mails to go.
(Note: Image edited to abide with company policy/security issues)

P.S. Having that much mail in the box could only mean either one hasn't been around in awhile or one hasn't been reading enough mails. Lol. My case is actually the former (because my dear son got sick). So if you haven't felt my presence in awhile, there goes the reason. ;D hope to catch up with everyone later.

***

On another note, I have not participated in Tackle It for quite sometime but I have found some entries in my Drafts that should have been posted for this meme. I thought I'll just include this now.

It's the desktop de-cluttering I did one Tuesday after I did the Desktop Free View tag. My desktop then was such a mess (the icons were definitely in total disarray!) and I thought it would be nice to give it a face lift. So here goes the final product of that tackle.

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. (Thanks to Ellen Fletcher)

-Albert Schweitzer

Bless you

My dinner this evening is exceptionally early.

On most days when, like today, I work alone from 2PM to 10PM, dinner is usually at 11PM or so. First, because being the personnel-on-duty, I feel responsible of every goings-on in the network. And so I do not want to risk leaving my post unmanned. Second, I do not like eating dinner alone so I’d rather sup when I get home after my shift. (I’d be the last to eat dinner but at least I'd have someone –like my mother- to talk with while I sup.)

But there are also times when I’m lucky to be paired with someone who likes to eat dinner on time. In these few times, I’d be thankfully full in the stomach by 8PM.

Now today, except for the guards, I’m working alone in the office. I didn’t bring dinner as I intend to eat at home. Tonight though, my stomach was unusually not cooperative and was already grumbling before 7PM.

But thanks to our former utility man who now works as part-time rigger* and who lives just ober da bakod. He came and first volunteered to buy for my meal (I have a hunch that one of the guards must have told him of my need) but ended up sharing some of his dinner with me. I offered to pay him but much to my embarrassment, he plainly refused to take any payment for the food.

So if I cannot pay him, GOD will. May he be blessed today and for always.

*rigger – in telco speak, someone who install/troubleshoot equipment installed in towers.

A blessing

Isn’t GOD wonderful?

No I’m not going to make any big announcement or some big statement following that first one either. Not now.

Actually, if I re-think about it, about what I’m going to write here, I expect people to only sneer and go “so what?” or “too ordinary" or the worse, "like I care.” (Chalk it as the pessimism of the optimist.lol)

But I just wanted to say God’s been wonderful to me today. Because I have been spared from the sad consequence brought about by red tape in the company. This time (for me), it's sending-signing-approval of certain money-related docs. The sad consequence would have been salary deduction due to unliquidated cash, which, I might just add, I have not spent a single cent on myself.

I have spoken with the Accounting woman last week, explaining to her that the docs are already in transit and that she may receive these on the date of the deadline itself or maybe a day late. I was asking if she could consider the delay but her reply was terse and non-committal and she stressed to me that unless she has these papers in her hand, there’s just no way, she can do anything about the deadline, or the possible salary deduction.

There. That's company policy. And I understand that. But to have the whole amount deducted from my semi monthly pay-out means leaving me with a negative amount in the payslip! Of course, with mouths and a baby to feed, I’m so worried of that. I feared about that.

But thanks God. Because today, when I called the woman from Accounting Dept again, to follow up the status of the docs, she said she already have them. Got it later than expected but she said, it's okay 'coz the deadline is extended anyway.

Sigh. I'm just so grateful. I can breathe easily now. Sigh. Smile

.

joyride

I am back to commuting to work until the state of affairs at home is settled. (State of affairs ? Intriguing hah? No it’s nothing.. big).

It’s really no big deal. Commuting, that is. You may find it hard to believe but I do miss getting my bum in a jeepney. Funny hah, but it’s true. I miss the fun and adventure of every single ride to work. I miss the casual chitchats with commuting neighbors, who like me tries to patiently wait to get a ride, which takes too long in the area where I live esp during school days.

I miss sharing a ride with countless strangers – students, employees, laborers, out-of-school youth, vendors, etc… and observing the changes of expressions in most faces every time the driver pulls over at almost all corners to take in more passengers (even if already fully loaded). Was it anxiety written all over their faces? Impatience?

And to stop myself from checking the time (and peering over other people’s timepieces!) every 2 seconds and feeling anxious and agitated at the sluggish passenger pick-up, I do olfactory nerve exercises when I smell the faint scent of a shampoo in the hair of the person getting in or with the one sitting beside me. Sunsilk? Pantene? H&S? Or is that a hint of a perfume or cologne? Kenzo? Benetton? Bench? I enjoy playing guessing games.

I also miss tightening an imaginary seatbelt and bracing myself when the jeep, brimming of passenger heads, takes off at lightning speed. You’ll definitely learn to memorize the saints and martyrs they taught you during Sunday school. No kidding! I’ve learned to call the saints and ask for divine intervention every time the famous (or infamous) king of the roads snake their way in and out of the traffic jam @ a record speed of 120kph! It’s so interesting to watch the flying hairs (mine included!), the hands that shoot upward- all at once and as if on cue - to hold on to the rail and the play of emotions of the faces (who looks so impatient one moment and fearful, the next) infront of me. All these, while I hold back myself from practically shrieking and letting out unheard-of expletives. But when you do get off alive and in one piece, you’ve got to give them the credit for bringing you to your destination as if without much delay.

And then I miss daydreaming on my way to work. What? You must have thought I’m insane to allow myself this when I just described the terror of riding a PUJ awhile ago. Go chill, I’ve been riding PUJs all my life! *shrug* I am just so used to this hair-raising scenario I can afford to daydream while aboard any public transpo. And it’s such a pity I cannot indulge in this favorite past time when I’m the one driving. Being a new driver, I cannot risk getting my eyes off the road even for just one sec! And I still do not trust myself to engage in lengthy conversations while I’m behind the wheel. But the past 3days, I have been gloriously getting my head in the clouds, away from some aging-accelerating concerns of everyday living.

Gawker that I am- although I try hard to foil this very bad habit or try to conceal every intention to (I don’t wanna be gawked at too), I sometimes fancy myself (must be a product of the daydreaming!) to be a member of the fashion police (although I’m really far from being a fashionista myself). Under the pretext of anything, I’d momentarily scan other people’s outfits and accessories. I’d take note of their tops, dresses and bags. And then more often than not, before disembarking in my destination, I’d single out best dressed people in the public transpo, shake their hands and hand out trophies to them, albeit just mentally.

Big fishes a' comin'

The bigwigs are coming to town. And it looks like they are bringing the whole circus team with them. And causing minor disruptions to the normally very laid-back atmosphere in the office. Understandably.

These bigwigs, also collectively known as the tech mancom, are ordinary humans who hold influential positions, and so way above the ordinary workforce in the company. But who generally likes to reach out and mingle with majority of the employees, for maybe different reasons, intentions. But I really have no way of knowing these, and judging is no use. Maybe some really have a good heart -with the heart of a true and sincere leader. And maybe some are just going through the motions, trying to be friendly and trying to be your ally, trying to be sympathetic, and trying to be of your service. Dunno. What I do know is, they are all heading this way. And they will be here, among the on-their-way-to-the-top bosses and pseudo-bosses, to grace an annual do, which I have not attended eversince. Lucky me, I always have the perfect excuse everytime, like being on-duty or sick.

In reality, I really feel awkward hobknobbing with this elite group. (And even if an upgrade depended on it. I think I'll just have to make it own, the long, hard and honest way.) Exchanging pleasantries and casual talks (that may really be hollow), eternally pasting a seemingly accommodating smile (that may not reach the eyes and may lack warmth) and vainly trying to be amiable all throughout the affair can be too much of an effort for me. I'm not even too keen on keeping their company for an hour, I'll already be too ill at ease by then that I might just puke, how much more for more than eight solid hours! Talk about torture! It would just take too much energy on my part I might pass out and I just cannot risk being sapped to core (and I already feel so stressed even thinking about it). Guess, I'm just not cut to kiss some asses. Not even the bigwigs' asses.

That said, I'm really glad I'm not going again this time. I'll be working by then.

But I'm reminding myself, before I go to work tomorrow and the day after, to temporarily trade my usual casual get-up for a more appropriate look (and forget about the slippers), pay extra attention to my appearance and don the proper office attire or something like it, lest they accuse me of not maintaining some company standard. That is the least I can do. And in truth, the only thing I am willing to do.

Done, but not yet done!

At last, I've already managed to crack the macro. After slaving over it for a few days, not uninterruptedly though. But this doesn't mean I'm really done with it. I've gotta go back and see what enhancement I can add. If and when I can.



I've already edited its code so it will make up a functional program, one that can be logically correct. It's not completely hardcore programming thing, and not really written in a low-level language but I did warm my butt in my chair for some time, strained some hand muscles and joints in the process and scratched my head for the umpteenth time, one would have thought I'm hosting some parasites in my head/hair.

And before someone says, that's one hardworking genius! I say, no siree, that's one lazy gal at work. That's right, I'm just too lazy doing things manually that I've gotta figure out some way to automate some tasks. Me, so desperate and trying hard!

The verdict

The result of the driving accreditation I took a week ago came yesterday.

The recommendation I got was 3 months buddy driving for a total distance of 2000km.

Tsk. Tsk.

Hmppp!

I flunked the driving accreditation and I wanted to shrug my shoulders and flippantly say I'm good, I'm okay but I know that wouldn't come out right.

I did flunk the driving accreditation.

The what?!@!. C'mon now, don't make me feel so bad more than I already am. Sniff, sniff. I am already down with the "greens." Kermit says it's the "greens" so blame him for the term. Obviously, I've been watching more than enough Sesame Street these days. With the ever active tot Matt. Anyway, I am getting ,in human language, bluer and bluer I could pass up as a wallpaper of the sky or be the sky and not get noticed that it has taken a human form. I just feel so defeated, so sore. Depressed. Miserable. Low. Sad. All that and more. (Maybe theatrics but partly true.)

Yup, I failed the goddamn actual exam. I rarely cuss, next to never but just lemme have my time now. I lost it! Flunked! Arrrgh! No official email was released yet but I know I must have been recommended for 10-year development plan in driving!

What happened? I was in the office at almost 10AM, my father drove me to the office in mad rush. When I came, the guys had just started taking their turn with the wheel. So I waited. Lunch time came but the line of guys for accreditation wasn't even halfway through. So I ate my lunch and waited again. 1 PM...2 passed quickly as it came... 3 went by. A little over 3, I was all nerves thinking that I'll be having my turn anytime now. But the fellow incharge said he'll have to make a go for the city driving with the guys first. Kaboom. I could have yelled, do you want to give me my chance or what? But I don't want to screw up my chances. (And did I mention that I was the only female specie to queue for an accreditation then? Uh-oh). So I retreated in silence, fuming, nevertheless. I waited again. 4PM came and there was still no sign of getting my turn. Might as well sleep.

And sleep, I did. Really did. For over an hour. Rested, oh yes. But grouchy as old Max. And irritated to say the least, because (can you believe it?) the car (used for the accreditation) was still not parked outside as I had hoped. No, not even its shadow. Kablaam.

Bummer, in a major way. So you see, even before I took the wheel, I was already having the time of my life.

After what seemed like ages, I finally took the driver's seat. Because I am barely 5 ft tall, I made major adjustments to the pick-up seat so that reaching the clutch pad when I flex my ankle is possible. (Never mind that it's not comfortable, it could never be when I had to flex my legs and ankle all the way every time I step on the clutch, which is always!). And its mirrors, so I have at least a vision of the motorists and pedestrians around me. As I took hold of the steering wheel which dominantly and menacingly occupied all spaces, I had this silly thought of a 3-yr old perched on the dump truck's driver seat. (Really, the odds are far more than I expected. I couldn't stop thinking I stand a fair chance if I drive a sedan for accreditation but that would be dreaming for the moon).

Anyway, I went past through the gate to the road without a hitch. Without a hitch, all right but guilty as hell of committing a sin of omission-- of forgetting to use the seatbelt! In my frantic state to get over the exam, I completely forgot to fasten my seatbelt, which was silently dangling by my side like a miserable fool. Major sin! (I always use the seatbelt despite the example of around 99% of the drivers this side of the globe who don't seem to know of its existence or if he does, never use it. And just when my life depended on it. Urgh, some good impression I made there!). But it's never too late to correct myself, so after my initial err, bewilderment, I stopped and put the belt in place.

I was already revving to 2nd, then 3rd gear. Through the crooks and bends, I saw myself driving like a girl worthy to be in a James' Bond movie. Suave. Cool and.. At this opportune time, a party of our canine friends chose to cross the road and I hit hard on the brakes. Kaboom. The fellow in the passenger seat then opened his mouth and gave me a dose of the animal rights lecture. He was saying respect over and over again as if I'm some animal serial killer. I wasn't going to hurt anybody, was I? And that's why I put the brakes into good use, right? One more comment and I would have retorted. Good thing, he must be a mind-reader because he shut his mouth at the right second. Haaay, I could only roll my eyeballs skyward (and to think that I was driving!).

But I did find time to redeem myself. The drive way back to the office was fairly smooth, I almost congratulated myself. If not for that stupid stone the size of a regular baseball cap that appeared out of nowhere and sat in the middle of the road some hundred meters away from the office, I could have nudge the fellow beside me and coaxed him to forget about my previous blunders. But it must have been my lucky day and lucky me that at this very important day, the stars chose to shower me with cute little surprises in neat packages called obstructions, distractions, difficulties, and whatnot. And trust me, I never run out of ways to make a mess of my chances (if there had been any from the start). And oh the stone, it caught me by surprise and in my confusion, I miscalculated my way, hitting it maybe by the side of one wheel and making it fly under me. I would have imagined the finale of this ride was a thunderous applause like in the movies but no, mine was an audible metal clunk. Toink!

So the moment I parked the truck, I carefully disengaged myself and walked out of the car without speaking a word to that fat, short guy in the passenger seat. I came home feeling dejected. But as if the humiliation I've been through was not enough, my number one critic, who is also called Papa, enumerated a totally looooong list of what to improve in my driving that I could only pant and gasp for air. I just wanted to cry and tell him to patronize me just this one time (although I've always been into the do-not-patronize-me advocacy all the time). But in my glum state, I found it reasonable to just keep my mouth shut this time, albeit with so much difficulty and retreat in my private mental space. In the verge of tears. Haaaay. What ever happened to the Bond girl wanna-be, I can only guess!

Comic relief

Let me share this one photo taken end of April in the Waterfront Cebu.





There I was attending an otherwise boring event had it not been for this person who perked up the mood with his seriously funny adlibs.

Ever heard of the comic duo, Ariel and Maverick? (Who? )The comedians who have their faces plastered on a billboard along North and South Expressways. The vintage car collectors, so I heard.

So that's Ariel with me. (Who, again? I heard somebody ask, do I suppose to know him? in the background). Umm, they are not mainstream popular but they have their share of fame. One of the dynamic duo, commonly known for their outlandish and uber colorful outfits, also stars in a TV show with partner Maverick called Totoo TV at ABC5. And recently I learned that the long-haired Ariel also has a daytime job with one telco in the country, our mother company. I saw his name listed in our database, whoa!

Man, believe me, it was a riot when he showed up. The uncanny odd pieces that made up his whole get-up, like his ring with a diamond stone the size of a fist that one could see it glitter from a mile distance, were already tickling the funny bone. On top of that, I think the crowd just couldn't resist giving in to his astonishingly funny comments in laughing fits. You could see everybody's tonsils! And I was laughing so hard bordering to hysterics that tears popped in my eyes. A barrel of laughs, really!

I rarely go up to famous personalities to have a picture taken with them or have an autographed signed (I'm sort of the type who try to play it cool or pretended to be) but hey, for somebody who made a difference that night, I think it's all worth it.

Chocolate cake, ice cream, please!

I wasn't expecting it. But maybe that's not totally true. Maybe. Oh well, I was half-expecting it because I think I truly deserve to be lauded for the honest work I've rendered the company for 6 yrs. But really, I have tried not to think too much about it ( because completely forgetting about it is impossible). Too scared to have false hopes and to be disappointed again. Read my past post , it's all there. There's no denying I felt unappreciated, and felt shortchanged.

So I made a conscious effort to not expect.

But, but..

This morning, I opened my web-based company account, Camp X, intending to check my DTR (attendance record) only. Camp X is where we file our leaves, loans and it's where some of our records are stored including performance appraisals, payslips, DTR, and other company-related infos of an employee. As I was browsing, I was compelled to steer away from my initial purpose and to look somewhere else just for the heck of it, instead.

And there's the surprise in this very early morning. I stared through the page, to that single line entry. Dumbfounded. Stunned in silence.

Shock held me immobile for a fraction of a second.

Wait, wait. Am I reading it correctly?

As the world around me faded to a blur, making me aware of only 2 things - me and my PC, I frantically searched for the Current Employee Info link and clicked it. I scanned through the page and read the current position title and felt my blood rush through my veins, to my head. At that instant, I felt my heart leaping with joy. It's almost making me dizzy. I am elated. Overjoyed.

I am upgraded! To the last rung in the ladder for a staff to achieve before getting into the crossroads of choosing between the technical or the management track.

Sigh. At last. So I am celebrating now.

*********

I tried to call hubby to share the good news first and first hand, but I couldn't reach him at the moment. Maybe later.

Forget Davao

Forget that the hotel where I was billeted in asked for a 2K bond for "incidentals" (i.e bar supplies like chocolates, beer, bottled water); otherwise, they close the bar. I don't want to sound boastful but I've been able to stay in a handful of popular hotels and nowhere was I told that I needed to deposit/pay a 2k bond upon checking in. Not in Marriott, not in the Waterfront (Cebu and Davao), not in ..I could list more. But in Grand Regal (Mercure)!

Forget casinos (in the hotel). I never gamble anyway.

Forget that the hot-cold sign in the faucet knob is gone (same thing goes for the shower). I had a grand time guessing and alternately getting a dose of scalding hot water and then icy cool showers (sarcasm!) before figuring out which is which. Plus some room lamps are already busted.

Forget that below-standard presentation I made. Okay, okay maybe I am just expecting to much from myself ...but I really am a little disappointed there because I could have done better.

Forget that I was mistakenly charged for something I didn't order. This incident made me lose my patience because we were stalled for more than 30 minutes because the order slip of my supposed order (at a time that my sister and I were dead to the world asleep!) which I demanded to get a look, was nowhere in sight (not in the cashier where it should be, anyway). And yes, I wasn't traveling alone because I had this worst LBM Tuesday morning which prompted my mother to decide to have me accompanied by my sister. We were trying to get into an early bus trip because my sister wanted to catch a jobfair in CDO. We could have been on the 7AM trip if not for this minor interruption, which got me so riled because the hotel staff doesn't seem to double check their order taking details and from the look of it, they don't verify clients who place the orders. In the end, when I saw the slip bearing my room number, the name/signature was not even mine. Aaargh, hassle.

Soooo good to be back home. I hope next time I have something better to say about Davao.

Another trip

Just for this one, just for this one. I assured myself that I'm not gonna spend more than 20 minutes in this little nook in the office which serves as our gateway to the cyberspace, typing some crap in my mind. You see, I am feeling heavy in the heart and I want to let this off my chest now. Aaaaack, drama! Really. Barely a month since coming home from the Manila trip, and I'll be going away again, away from home.

I will be doing an amateur-ish run for the training I attended in Manila. No, I will not be attending but conducting it. Haha, I can see your eyebrows raised already. Unbelievable, huh. Oh well, I have tried convincing the boss of my boss (which makes him my boss too, right?)that I might not be able to do that effectively , short of telling him to leave it to the pro (and to leave me alone) and that I need more than concept knowledge to be able to do as he bids but he just shrugged and said, It's okay and I could at least try. Aha, so that's what the studying, which is more like cramming in the past few days and nights, is all about. I've been burning the midnight candle analyzing a purely technical material but I still lack the confidence to deliver my presentation. Talk about torture of the highest level to my grappling 256-processor of a mind! Today, my head is still swimming in the ocean of telco jargon and I am already feeling the hint of a coming headache. God, I hope it remains that way, just a hint.

Because I am off to Davao tomorrow for an echo training. Alone. To Davao. There, it has finally sank in me. Oh, I have been to Davao in the past but this is the first time I'm traveling alone. And I am not too happy with the prospect of traveling by land for 6 hours. A literal pain-in-the-ass and headache-causing 6-hour bus ride at that! If I do survive this leg, I just hope I can find the courage and the confidence to deliver my piece in a logical, comprehensible and coherent manner (fingers crossed!). Because I am not traveling all the way to Davao, just so I can feel utterly down about myself. I know some Switch personnel may attend the cascade, and God knows who else, maybe the boss of my boss but I am hoping against hope that no manager will show up. Swear, I'd be reduced to a trembling heap. Hayyyy..thinking about it is already making me feel the familiar butterflies in the stomach.
*****

Hmmm, Davao. As I've said, I've been there before but I am still in the process of deciding whether I love the place or not. Sure, there's a lot in store for the adventurous and the not-so, the introvert and the extrovert, alike, in Davao. Sure, Davao is the jump off point to the nearby Samal Island, where the famous resort, the Pearl Farm is, which is a heavenly haven for turistas. I know a lot of people who loves staying there. They said, it's wonderful place to relax ( and I hope I can get there in the future). But I just don't feel so at-home in Davao, compared to Cebu. And at this point, I am still undecided as to what to make of the city. And I hope I get to tour around and form some positive comments during my 3-day stay, enough so I can post about it.

Drive testing and daydreaming

I went drivetesting with my colleagues today. Drivetesting is a telecoms jargon. To drivetest means to check the coverage and quality of the service or to see the kind of service we are providing to our subscribers. For us working in the mobile telecoms company, this may indicate whether we have optimized the network ( I mean, our resources).

We visited some of the posh neighborhoods within CDO. Some fancy subdivisions. Big houses. Houses with big lawns. Elegant houses. Houses with luxury cars parked in the garage. Well-designed houses. Some with manicured and carefully maintained lawns. I may have seen them. But I am lost in thought as we drive through all these properties. I scan around me and I think to myself, I also wish to have them, too. I want to own one elegant house, maybe have a decent car. Material things. And some more material things. Not to mention resources to afford holiday vacations abroad. I know I'm not bad, oh maybe just a little bad. But I don’t know if wanting these makes me so bad. Truth is, sometimes I long for material things in life. Maybe me just being human. And reality really bites.

Lately, my hubby and I discussed the possibility of one of us working abroad or immigrate. Plans. Nothing concrete yet. But with one of us working abroad, some of my dreams may materialize. But then what do I give up for all these things? In exchange for what? A happy and intact family? Can I give up my son’s full growing up years with us his parents present?

I would hope for good things for me and my family, secure Matt’s future and all. But I am also confused. Maybe a little lost. Because being a mother, I also want to give him a childhood he’d love to remember. A childhood like mine, being able to see and hold both of my parents everyday. I also like to have my husband beside me through our daily battles in life. But then, a house, a car, vacations, and more. Can I live with these extravagant things but lose the things that really matter to me?

Along this line, I still question myself again. Can I carry the responsibility of being Matt’s only (present) parent, while Cris is away, working his butt off just to provide a much better future for us all?

With my training instructor

Taken at PQUE parking lot