32 and going strong

I am awed. At this time of high separation / divorce / annulment rate, I am really really awed. And I am also proud of having these two people in my life who have taught me a million an one thing about loving and being loved. My parents. I have learned from them. A lot. And I am praying for them, for more years of togetherness.

I can safely say that they have weathered storms in their marriage.

Like any married couple, they have their share of heated arguments. And more. I've heard of my mother’s woes, there were times I saw her cry. I've seen them treat each other indifferently, the cold shoulder treatment always makes me uneasy. And their silence can be deafening at times.

In my not-so mature years, when I see withdrawal or when I hear them verbalizing their disagreement , albeit passionately, I thought they no longer wanted to stay married. I was so wrong. Later on, getting enough maturity made me understand. I know better, that not always being in-sync doesn't necessarily mean couples have stopped loving each other. It may be that they love each other too much, that they care too much. That things matters much they cannot let it pass that easily. Or that they are exercising their individuality. Many reason, maybe we cannot even fathom some. And being married myself, I learned some more about the sugar and spice of marriage. And there's a whole lot more to learn.

Despite being at odds with each other at one time or another, not once did they neglect our needs. I cannot remember a time they withdrew from us - my siblings and me because of their misunderstandings. There was never a time that they made us feel less loved. We are always their top priority. Our level of importance must be "highest." Really. And I have no reason to believe otherwise. They showed us - and are still showing us how important we are.

I also learned that some things doesn't really matter much. What really matters is to love, and to love some more. To forgive, and to forgive some more.

I have learned from their example that deciding to stay married, one has to allow his/her partner to have a time and space to simmer. A time and space to cool down. A time and space to be alone. A time and space to miss the other. A time and space to love him/herself. A time and space to be a better person.


32 years and yes, going strong. I've seen a lot in their being a couple. I knew some sacrifices they made for each other, some may remain unknown to us. I've seen the love they have for each other. I grew up seeing and feeling this love. The fun times. The laughter, that bounces in the four corners of our house. There was even a time when I believed that they have made a separate world of their own, just the two of them in it. I still do. It must really be true. But I have never felt alienated with this thought, but rather comforted that they found a peaceful haven just for the two of them. Lucky them.

Happy 32nd Wedding Anniversary, Ma & Pa.

Chocolate cake, ice cream, please!

I wasn't expecting it. But maybe that's not totally true. Maybe. Oh well, I was half-expecting it because I think I truly deserve to be lauded for the honest work I've rendered the company for 6 yrs. But really, I have tried not to think too much about it ( because completely forgetting about it is impossible). Too scared to have false hopes and to be disappointed again. Read my past post , it's all there. There's no denying I felt unappreciated, and felt shortchanged.

So I made a conscious effort to not expect.

But, but..

This morning, I opened my web-based company account, Camp X, intending to check my DTR (attendance record) only. Camp X is where we file our leaves, loans and it's where some of our records are stored including performance appraisals, payslips, DTR, and other company-related infos of an employee. As I was browsing, I was compelled to steer away from my initial purpose and to look somewhere else just for the heck of it, instead.

And there's the surprise in this very early morning. I stared through the page, to that single line entry. Dumbfounded. Stunned in silence.

Shock held me immobile for a fraction of a second.

Wait, wait. Am I reading it correctly?

As the world around me faded to a blur, making me aware of only 2 things - me and my PC, I frantically searched for the Current Employee Info link and clicked it. I scanned through the page and read the current position title and felt my blood rush through my veins, to my head. At that instant, I felt my heart leaping with joy. It's almost making me dizzy. I am elated. Overjoyed.

I am upgraded! To the last rung in the ladder for a staff to achieve before getting into the crossroads of choosing between the technical or the management track.

Sigh. At last. So I am celebrating now.

*********

I tried to call hubby to share the good news first and first hand, but I couldn't reach him at the moment. Maybe later.

Getting in shape

Soya milk. Amino acid supplements. The gym. Jogging.

Oh, I love soya milk.

The amino acid, I have not tried. I have other vitamins though.

The gym, I have enrolled myself to a weight-gaining program in the past. Twice, at a different place and different time. I have not sworn off from enrolling again only that I am not talking about me here. Because lately, I kinda enjoy my gym-free life. Thanks to the big time exercise I get from taking care of my son and attending to his needs. So this means no jogging for me too.

So who? This is hubby. Our conversation these days are laced with one or more of these terms. Among the sweet nothings.

Am I happy? Of course. We all need to get in shape and strive to be in mint condition, health-wise. If not for the son, for ourselves (look who's talking..heheh). But really, I am satisfied that hubby is taking good measures in staying healthy and working the excess flabs off his body (him being hypertensive).

Don't get me wrong and this is not an issue of me loving him more if he's in better shape. Because the truth is, I would love him anyhow. No matter what. Period. *Haaayyy, me getting cheesy again!* But I appreciate his effort.

I just want to make this clear that we are not sports buffs (at least I am not, oh maybe just a wanna-be). Also, I am not advocating that we all need to act and get enrolled in a gym or get into a sport ASAP because one thing might work for someone but may not necessarily work for others. We just need to find what works for us considering all the limitations. Am I safely saving my ass here? Lazy me. Haha.

Seriously though, it's a process (of finding what works). And we, my husband and I, are currently in this process. And the sports-buff wanna-be in me now thinks that I should get into some sport one of these days too..haha.

But I believe paying attention to ourselves (our needs, in all aspects) is more of an expression of self-love so we can better love others (huh?). I hope am getting this right but it's something to that effect.

So here's a toast to good health. May we strive to be in better shape in the days to come, not just physically but emotionally, intellectually, socially and most of all, spiritually. Good luck to us.

Forget Davao

Forget that the hotel where I was billeted in asked for a 2K bond for "incidentals" (i.e bar supplies like chocolates, beer, bottled water); otherwise, they close the bar. I don't want to sound boastful but I've been able to stay in a handful of popular hotels and nowhere was I told that I needed to deposit/pay a 2k bond upon checking in. Not in Marriott, not in the Waterfront (Cebu and Davao), not in ..I could list more. But in Grand Regal (Mercure)!

Forget casinos (in the hotel). I never gamble anyway.

Forget that the hot-cold sign in the faucet knob is gone (same thing goes for the shower). I had a grand time guessing and alternately getting a dose of scalding hot water and then icy cool showers (sarcasm!) before figuring out which is which. Plus some room lamps are already busted.

Forget that below-standard presentation I made. Okay, okay maybe I am just expecting to much from myself ...but I really am a little disappointed there because I could have done better.

Forget that I was mistakenly charged for something I didn't order. This incident made me lose my patience because we were stalled for more than 30 minutes because the order slip of my supposed order (at a time that my sister and I were dead to the world asleep!) which I demanded to get a look, was nowhere in sight (not in the cashier where it should be, anyway). And yes, I wasn't traveling alone because I had this worst LBM Tuesday morning which prompted my mother to decide to have me accompanied by my sister. We were trying to get into an early bus trip because my sister wanted to catch a jobfair in CDO. We could have been on the 7AM trip if not for this minor interruption, which got me so riled because the hotel staff doesn't seem to double check their order taking details and from the look of it, they don't verify clients who place the orders. In the end, when I saw the slip bearing my room number, the name/signature was not even mine. Aaargh, hassle.

Soooo good to be back home. I hope next time I have something better to say about Davao.

Another trip

Just for this one, just for this one. I assured myself that I'm not gonna spend more than 20 minutes in this little nook in the office which serves as our gateway to the cyberspace, typing some crap in my mind. You see, I am feeling heavy in the heart and I want to let this off my chest now. Aaaaack, drama! Really. Barely a month since coming home from the Manila trip, and I'll be going away again, away from home.

I will be doing an amateur-ish run for the training I attended in Manila. No, I will not be attending but conducting it. Haha, I can see your eyebrows raised already. Unbelievable, huh. Oh well, I have tried convincing the boss of my boss (which makes him my boss too, right?)that I might not be able to do that effectively , short of telling him to leave it to the pro (and to leave me alone) and that I need more than concept knowledge to be able to do as he bids but he just shrugged and said, It's okay and I could at least try. Aha, so that's what the studying, which is more like cramming in the past few days and nights, is all about. I've been burning the midnight candle analyzing a purely technical material but I still lack the confidence to deliver my presentation. Talk about torture of the highest level to my grappling 256-processor of a mind! Today, my head is still swimming in the ocean of telco jargon and I am already feeling the hint of a coming headache. God, I hope it remains that way, just a hint.

Because I am off to Davao tomorrow for an echo training. Alone. To Davao. There, it has finally sank in me. Oh, I have been to Davao in the past but this is the first time I'm traveling alone. And I am not too happy with the prospect of traveling by land for 6 hours. A literal pain-in-the-ass and headache-causing 6-hour bus ride at that! If I do survive this leg, I just hope I can find the courage and the confidence to deliver my piece in a logical, comprehensible and coherent manner (fingers crossed!). Because I am not traveling all the way to Davao, just so I can feel utterly down about myself. I know some Switch personnel may attend the cascade, and God knows who else, maybe the boss of my boss but I am hoping against hope that no manager will show up. Swear, I'd be reduced to a trembling heap. Hayyyy..thinking about it is already making me feel the familiar butterflies in the stomach.
*****

Hmmm, Davao. As I've said, I've been there before but I am still in the process of deciding whether I love the place or not. Sure, there's a lot in store for the adventurous and the not-so, the introvert and the extrovert, alike, in Davao. Sure, Davao is the jump off point to the nearby Samal Island, where the famous resort, the Pearl Farm is, which is a heavenly haven for turistas. I know a lot of people who loves staying there. They said, it's wonderful place to relax ( and I hope I can get there in the future). But I just don't feel so at-home in Davao, compared to Cebu. And at this point, I am still undecided as to what to make of the city. And I hope I get to tour around and form some positive comments during my 3-day stay, enough so I can post about it.

whwhwhat

I really should

forget about blogging and getting into Friendster..for awhile.


I really should

have written a technical outline........a long time ago.


I really should

have reviewed on some training lessons....last week.

I really should

read some equipment operation guides....ASAP.


I really should

browse some work-related notes....now.

I really should

get going and study ..and work...and concentrate..this very minute.

But I am still typing some of my incoherent thoughts...ARGH! Multi-tasking! Time management!

Graduation Pics and More

As promised, here are some of the snapshots during my sis' graduation.

With some of her friends. Far Right: Mama with Matt


3 women and a baby!


The graduate with my parents and Matt


With our SuperMama


3 women and a baby, at home!


The women and the baby are still not done with the cam yet.

And this is what I missed last Sunday:

The food..


The relatives who came..


The kids..


These kids..

..are my cute nephews and charming neice

And there's my cousin Alan with the kids

The graduate with my neice, Genevieve.


And the men in my life!


There's even a baby!


And the running baby, who I missed most!

That was

I've been meaning to write about the holy week (oooops, I mean the holy days because this is not exactly a 7-day account) that was, had I not been sidetracked with that bowling thing. So here goes:

Maundy Thursday. My hubby came home. But he was not feeling too well. In fact, he had a 39C fever . Ahh, I was not feeling too good myself too (emotionally, that is).

So glad he’s feeling a little better by the time I got home from work.


Good Friday. Time to have an early morning walk (Matt, hubby and I did). Time for some introspection. Time for my hubby to bond with my son (I really didn't mind doing the house work just so hubby could have some quality time with son). Later in the afternoon, hubby was still babysitting with Matt, leaving me with a little time to watch a film.

All in all, I had a very quiet and relaxed day, today being one of my restdays and all.


Black Saturday. Went to visit my mother in-law’s grave with Matt and hubby (also with us were his sisters and her sister’s 2 kids).

Then, we went to the mall to buy Matt his dream toy, a car(of course!). He’s been so fascinated with cars, small or big. The biggest one, the size of a regular shoe box and a gift from Tita Joi2 has long been wrecked (but which my mother tied to hold the parts in places). Despite this, I saw him at one time sitting and mock-driving the poorly re-assembled toy. Aware of this fondness, his father after coming from a business trip promised to buy him one. But we never got to buy him this the last time hubby was home. And although we have an agreement not to bring or buy Matt toys or similar gifts everytime he comes home (afraid that this would give my son the wrong message in the future), we decided to loosen up this “rule” for once. So off we raided the toystore ( I swear I became a child again as I scanned the racks and racks of toys in wide-eyed awe).

Three hours later, we came home with nothing but goodies exclusively for Matt, who was already so tired after that mall trip.

Easter Sunday. Attended mass with my family and had a nourishing and delicious lunch at my mother’s brother’s place. So delicious that my son kept on saying “yummy.” After that, I dashed to the office, to work. And yes, I was busting my ass in the office (and getting myself starved) while my sister Joi2 had her late graduation-slash-thanksgiving party.
When I came home, the last of her guests were about to leave.

Monday. Hubby and I went to purchase some supplies for my son in the morning. Went to work in the afternoon (first half of my shift), actually I availed a half-shift emergency leave today ( thanks to the next shift duty who said yes to my request for him to report 4 hours earlier of his shift) because my hubby will be sailing back to Cebu tonight.

**********

Belated Happy Easter to All. I hope everyone had a refreshing Holy Week (or holy days) or weekend or whatever.

Cheesy

While trying to decide on a topic to write about, I have been reading the Net, so much so that it is already making my eyes puffy and teary (equals blurry vision) at this very instant that I can hardly make out the letters on the keyboard.

But I am still thinking of things to write, err more like rant and rave about but I cannot find something interesting (for me but may not be for others..haha). I am looking for some drama, but found none lately. Ah, boring me living a less than ordinary life.

But yes, I read something that reminds me of bowling, makes me remember one particular bowling game even. Yep, bowling the sport. Although I am not ultra athletic type of girl, I do make an effort to know some sport (trying hard, hahah!) when I have the time (used to have time, back to pre-Matt days). But I must admit I haven't found one sport that I excel in. How will I when I cannot find the muscle to constantly practise? I am always making excuses not to, hmm, lazy-muscled me. Think, there's even a gym in the office but I have not used it for its purpose but for some event that doesn't require moving a muscle like catching some zzz sometimes. *winks*. But, maybe I am just not cut to be a sports buff (excuse again! haayy..).

Oh, forgive the zigzagging of thoughts (gee, as if I haven't done this in my previous blogs, hehe)..

Yes, I have been thinking about bowling. It just came into my mind, this one bowling game I played with hubby (but try as I might, I cannot exactly remember whether hubby was still my bf or already my hubby then, give me some time.. I am still trying to recall up to this time). A game we played in CDO. So far, that was the first bowling game we had in CDO (because our bowling matches were always in Cebu) and it was a fun-slash-terrible game.

As usual, I was not making much points and hubby was teasing me about how my game sucks because he knew I would always take the bait. And to think we already had an existing big fight (that got me mad and maybe he did, too) over a petty thing (am sure, but one I couldn't remember) before we settled for a bowling date. So I was already upset before we stepped on the bowling alley. And he must be annoyed already. Imagine, the tension building, anger brewing and all ready to explode (the latter is about me, haha) game after game. We threw scornful-slash-almost-playful remarks at each other (we always do this when playing anything, getting into each other's nerves and alternately trying to make the other one mad..one bad habit common to both of us!). I was playing with rage, exasperation written all over my face. At the same time, I was sulking like a child because I have it in my mind that the mood of dates should be light, romantic, sweet, pleasant and more. But no, this date was not and was not in the least nice.

But unexpectedly and surprisingly, maybe after so much exertion and we got tired with the exchange of nastiness, we stopped fighting. Can't remember now how it happened but we just did calm down after sometime. Just as fast as we fabricated cruel comments, we stopped talking altogether for a moment or two and stopped acting each other's antagonist. Maybe we just lost all the energy to fight, everything -rage, frustration, anger- already spent and channeled somewhere. And we managed to make peace with each other, we patched and made up before we said our goodnights. And I can still recall how good that felt (the "reconcilation", I mean). Sweating and dead tired but happy in the end.

So what's my point. Nothing. I just remembered. Maybe I am just writing these thoughts because we-hubby and me- had a very long hearty talk last night, which lasted til the wee hours in the morning, something we've never had for the longest time.

(**And now, I am calling this post cheesy!)

Some luck

After spending 4 hours in the mall yesterday and going to work very early today, I wouldn't be surprised that my head throbs while in the office.

But I'll take back the previous statement and recall what happened during the day.

I woke up at 530AM. But lying in bed, I entertained the thought of being absent from work. I had wanted to curl under the blankets and go back to Dreamland but my mother was already yelling that one more minute spent in bed would get me late for work. Grrr! So with eyes still half closed, I began to pack my breakfast and some clothes in my bag. And I willed myself to open my eyes wide before I revved the car to the highway. My thoughts while driving was still on catching some sleep when I get to the office (I still have 2 hours free before real work starts in the office).

But when I came in the office, I found that my officemate has just finished downloading Episode 22 of the Prison Break. And I cannot wait to watch it. So I started my day in the office watching Prison Break, instead of getting much needed sleep! There's really no one to blame but myself that my eyes feels like its gonna close every 3 minutes! And I'm so thankful that there are OJTs to at least do the test calls/texts.

The whole day, there really was nothing I can think of but how gloriously wonderful it would be to feel the cool softness of a pillow under my head. I have been looking forward to going home at 2PM but today must be one of those days when luck is not on my side because I still need to do a cascade (sort of echo training)about the training I recently attended, to my officemates right after my shift. Aaaargh!

At 630PM, after the cascade and after attending to some emails, I finally walked out of the office, too tired and head still aching. After a good 20 minutes wait for a taxi to get me home, I gladly hopped into one. The moment I settled in the passenger seat, the thought of sleep instantly evaporated because I was treated to the smell of rubber, gas, body odor and something burning. Think of torture of the highest degree to the olfactory nerves! This is something I hate about using taxi as mode of transpo because you'll never know if it is properly cleaned or aired (to get possible malodour eliminated) unless you are already in it. Because I am too tired to find another one, I silently sat at the back and suffered in silence.

I wasn't not sure whether to be happy when I suddenly remembered I needed to buy some milk for my son. So I asked the driver to drop me off the nearest mall on the way. What a delay! All I wanted was to go home as fast as the driver can go and take an hour nap (just a nap because I do have some responsibilities at home that need to be attended to no matter how tired I am). But then I was saved from the stinking confines of that taxi (so I thought!).

Carrying my single purchase in one hand after my hurried trip to a drugstore, I scurried to board another taxi. With eyes already closing to their own volition that I have to mentally kick myself out of the state, I seated myself at the back. But as luck would have it, I was again trapped in a cramped and offensively stinking space (the unpleasant smell which I can distinctively distinguish as that of a body odor), as soon as the door closed and the car lurched into the traffic. Holy cow! The throbbing in my head was significantly increased to pounding. And this time, as I could no longer contain myself, I politely asked the driver to open the windows, which he immediately did. Haaaay. As my breathing returned to normal, I thought the polluted CDO air has never been that refreshing.


***
Highs: When I got gome, I was able to join my son during his bedtime. And my supposed nap was extended to 3 hours (dinner forgotten)! But I allowed myself a cup of soup before getting to bed again.

This is which

To us, graduation is a family affair. I cannot remember a time when I had wished for some parent's presence during school activities. Really. Because they are always there. If not both, either of my parents has always attended our school activities which require their presence. How much more the Graduation Day of my youngest sister. It is no different, maybe even more special because of the fact that she's been in College for 6 years (due to course shifting) and her finishing a 4-year course at last, is a big thing to be thankful for and calls for some celebration. Truly, everyone in the family would not want to miss it for the world, especially my parents. (Will post some her Grad pics next time)

And we-my mother and I – already cracked a plan to answer our babysitting need for my son (or the lack of it). My father will attend to the day ceremonies of my sister’s graduation day, while my mother will stay at home to care for Matt. In the afternoon, they will be bringing my son along but I have to meet them and pick up my son before Graduation Rites has started. Doable, alright.


So as arranged, I worked during my shift. I told my officemates about our dilemma and they were very understanding (even told me to leave by 1PM but an advice I didn’t heed for the reason that I still need to ask my boss’ approval lest he gets icky). But I was out of the office before the clock ticks 2PM. And I was able to relieve my mother from babysitting before the 1st note of the marching tune is played.


To entertain my son for next hours, I decided to dash to the nearest kid’s place in the mall, a play place called Wonderland. My son had the grandest time playing with the cars…picking up blocks of all colors..flipping the plastic doors of the toy kitchen…and repeatedly climbing up the 10-step stairway (which leads to another play area, similar to a balcony) ..and for one moment there, I thought he must have simply forgotten all about me. Here are some of his pics in the Wonderland.

Which?

A situation has arise and I am in dire straits.

My sister will be graduating tomorrow. Her day would start earlier than usual, at 8AM when she will be attending the Baccalaurreate Mass, then the Hooding ceremony and the Graduation rites in the afternoon. My parents are expected to join her in all these ceremonies. But my son is not going. He cannot attend the affair because ten-year old and below children are not allowed in the venue. So my parents will not be bringing him with them.

In the absence of my parents and sister, the only logical thing to do is for me to babysit my son. But, but..

Tomorrow, like days within this work week, I will be reporting for the morning shift. I could easily avail a vacation leave(VL) if not for the NO-VL policy implementation starting this week (a week before the Holy Week) til the the May election (critical days which tech peeps in the company are required to be more than vigilant with the network). Availing one would get me sanctioned and this would tarnish (if not already tarnished! haha) my 201 file. And I simply cannot risk it. So this leaves me with only a couple of unappealing options: to bring him to the office with me or re-adjust my schedule to graveyard shift. I am not so keen with the latter, and all the more with the former!

So what then?

Duhr-ty

Soil. Stones. Leaves. Twigs and branches, wood. Metal scraps. And everything on the ground (except for some animal shit).

But maybe if there's ant shit on the ground, then let's include that in the list.

These and more.

I have given my unico hijo the liberty to get to know the dirt outside the four corners of our room. But not without supervision, of course. I know that time will come when he would want to explore the world outside and when that time comes, screaming "dirty!" at the top of your voice or giving any of the wisest explanation wouldn't be any helpful. Because a curious toddler is a persistent toddler (and a boy at that!). He just wouldn't be satisfied with anything other than trying and learning things on his own. I reckon that the sooner I start introducing Matt to the colors of the earth, the better. Before time takes its course.

So now, I have adjusted his bathing time, which he used to take an hour or two after waking up (an arrangement we made then, to allow enough time for Nanay and me to get ready for work), to some later time in the morning and right after "playing" outside.

These past few mornings, I found myself playing ball and getting my son oriented with the bronzes, browns, grays and blacks and more colors other than the whites. To end the activity, I find it effective to have a pail of water waiting for us, for Matt to play with and at the same instant, to wash his hands with. This is a hassle-free way of getting a toddler clean, a perfect mask for an intention to clean-up without the possible "fight" between a protesting toddler and an insistent parent.

And my son doesn't just like it. He looooves it! He kicks with anticipation the moment he hears me say "let's play outside" that I am beginning to think that he may just be waiting for me to say these magic words as soon as he wakes up. He cannot say his excitement straight out but the look on his face and his hurried steps are more than enough to say their piece. And the very instant his feet hit the ground, he merrily runs around (and almost non-stop). He sits and looks at the ground, his face mirrors one of concentration and then he touches and picks up bits and pieces of all sorts. And he gleefully yells (maybe to announce his find). His squeals of delight are music in the early morning.

So in the coming days, expect to see more of us outside.