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Sunday, December 17, 2006

It's time

I had a hard time sleeping last night. First, because my son is having trouble sleeping. Matt kept on tossing and turning around in our bed (makeshift) in the middle of the night which is quite unusual because he’s been a straight sleeper for a few months now. Between 230 and 3AM, he woke up again giggling and wanting to play. Even when all the lights are out (including our night lamp), he refused to go back to sleep. I had to hold him in my arms to calm him down.

Second, I keep on checking my phone for any urgent messages about MN.

With all these, I woke up very early in the morning despite the sleepless night. My sister-in-law left a message in phone saying that MN is already looking for us. In her state, I know I should be bringing my son along but common sense told me not bring him. Because, in times like this, bringing a baby (hyperactive, at that!) would just pose a problem. So alone, I set off to the hospital. On my way there, I received an email from my husband (his reply from my email informing him of her mother’s state).

When I arrived, the doctor was already talking to Joy, her husband and my other sister in law –Inday. The doctor said MN’s not gonna make it for long. It’s just a matter of hours, days.. “maybe 3 days or maybe hours from now.” The infection she contracted stole the days of her life. The oxygen and antibiotics are now her only sustenance; these may prolong her life, but not really for long.

Her sisters and brothers surrounded her in her hospital bed, keeping watch since last night.

Before noontime, her siblings are slowly taking turns talking to her. When they prodded me to talk to her, I willingly obliged. I know I am here not only for myself but to make up for her son and her grandson’s presence, as well. I assuaged her, told her not to worry about us, that we’ll be okay. She just nodded her head. Instinctively, I held her hand. Because I know, this might be the last. I cried thinking that his son and grandson may never be able to hold her hands and see her alive. Silently, I offered a prayer for her healing, and peaceful rest – to spare her of this agony and pain. That is the only best thing I can do at that instant.

Few minutes before 3PM, MN passed away.

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