There are times in our lives when our hands would get clammy and we’d feel queasy in the stomach. We would shiver and get goose-pimply all over. We’d have our heart pounding a hundred beats per second. We’d lose the natural healthy color on our face and in its place would be a ghastly ashen look. Or we would be restless, anxious and apprehensive. There are also times when we would be just silent and in thoughtful countenance, but nervous all the same. On few occasions, we couldn’t help but let out either a short yelp or a blood-curdling scream, depending on the impact of a certain stimulus on us. But these reactions are just few of the tell-tale signs of fear.
Needless to say, the factors/stimuli that trigger these reactions vary from one individual to another. So, let me just speak for myself and list down some of the things/events that make me feel these .
Blood and mutilated bodies of animals (humans included). Just the mere mention of these sends chills down my spine so I will not elaborate.
Driving. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's driving this side of the globe that makes driving a nightmare. But really, I am battling against this nightmare. I hope the face-your-fear-to-conquer-it works because I’ve been traveling with this fellow nicknamed Fear and facing him almost everyday for almost a year but the feeling of apprehension every time I take the wheel has not waned one bit! Maybe one day soon, I’d figure out a way to unbuckle and drop him off the road.
My son, or what he does. Sometimes, what he does is too much for a mother’s heart. Example, he likes to hurl himself head first at our walls (which explains why we have cushions placed on some parts of our bedroom walls). Much to my concern, he is also fascinated with electric outlets and likes to explore them when he can find the chance to. (No, outlet covers don't work because he knows how to manipulate them.) Then, he loves dogs. But how can something so endearing such as affection plants terror in a mother's heart, you may ask. He loves dogs so much so that he would chase even stray dogs with every intention to hug them, which in turn makes me bolt and run after him while shouting "Matt, rabies!!!" But except for these things (and some more others :D), he is a very adorable boy who
gets so much fun seeing terror in my eyes likes to laugh and play around.
Quick note: Parenthood, they say, is really not for the faint of heart and (I might just add) slow in action so then I have no choice but to be strong and quick.
Losing my sight. The prospect of going blind terrifies me. I cannot imagine waking up one day and seeing the world in total darkness. I cannot imagine not being able to see the lights and the colors around me. I cannot imagine not seeing the the gamut of expressions on the faces of people I interact with everyday, most especially my loved ones. Are they frowning? Smiling? Is there a twinkle in their eyes? Not being able to see all that would be pure torture to me.
Mosquitoes. It’s a wonder that something so small could cause me anxiety and sleepless nights! But they do scare me more than cockroaches. First reason why I feel skittish and could hardly sleep when I hear a buzzing sound is, these tiny vampires are the culprit behind Dengue and Malaria - deadly diseases which are prevalent in tropical countries like the Philippines.
Second reason is, in my mind they are deadlier and that they could be more than just Dengue and Malaria carriers - these bloodsuckers could be AIDS carriers, too! I know, I know it’s the world’s most ridiculous thought ever conceived but I’ve been thinking, what difference is the needle or an IV from the proboscis (needle-like mouth of a female mosquito)? What if a mosquito bit someone afflicted with AIDS then gets on to its next victim- me, perhaps? Surely it could transmit AIDS! Of course, I've realized that my theory is totally unfounded and way off tangent; and truth is, I've certainly found all the reason(s) to make me believe that that’s simply impossible but a
paranoid little voice inside me still asks what if?