Wordless Wednesday: The Moment I Saw You Cry

Diarrhea in print

Over the week-end, someone told me that reading has poisoned my mind. Ouch. (And it didn’t help that it came from a loved one. Because the people we love most also have the power to hurt us most, right? A cliché, but is totally true)

Maybe you’d have expected tongue-lashing that ensued after receiving this comment. But no, there was no such scene.

I found it reasonable to stay silent and put things in proper perspective first (I always try although there were times I fail at this resolve), rather than act out in an impulse and out of some negative emotions.

I could have easily ignored the comment like what I did in the past but I’ve been mulling over that statement and I would really like to clear things out. Once and for the last time. And maybe let off some steam the better way (?).

So here’s my 70 centavos' worth:

Thanks for the honesty. For mustering enough courage to tell me what you thought straight to my face. You may have reasons for coming up with such remark.

But.

It was quite unfair. It really is unfair, because you have not even read what I’ve read. Or maybe you’ve read some, but it still is unfair to make generalization.

Reading has always been my way of entertaining myself. And excuse me if I’m more drawn to reading “life” materials (I always classify books this way: fiction for non-real life stories like pocketbooks; food for materials that tackle kitchen maneuvers like cookbooks; life for materials that cover topics about living like inspirational books, how-to topics and health subjects; technical for materials that cover a specific field, i.e engineering, IT.). Reading real-life experiences interests and amazes me. It gives me a glimpse of a world I have not experienced, of feelings I have not known, of places and things I have not seen, of the sounds I have not even heard of after 29 years of existence, of tastes and scents. Maybe I do not bury my head much on technical matters (like you do), but please do not take it against me that I like to learn about some subjects that may not be that important from your standpoint

Reading has helped me. Helped me put things - emotions, thoughts, actions - in proper perspective. Helped me resolve personal issues, with the negativity within and around me. It is helping me. Period.

It also gets me informed about some topics. I cannot say how well or how big the chunk of info I get and absorb (because I don't think I am not one of those lucky fellas whose mind works like a sponge), but at least I learn a bit. Even just a bit. The unknown really scares me. And all the more so with the thought of not knowing anything. At all. It just scares me off my wits! And I didn’t “poison” myself with these infos so I can be Ms Know-It-All. Just chalk it up to my being human, thus, the innate hunger for knowledge and the endless quest of it.

So I dunno, maybe it’s the way I ask some questions. I apologize for coming out too strong. Maybe you find my asking offensive, I’m sorry. But puhleeeease do not mistake it as suspicion at my end. I am only trying to verify some of the things I’ve read. And I am also interested in your ideas, your opinions. So consider it a compliment and be flattered that I am more than hinting my interest in how your mind runs! I am showing it, for God’s sake!

I hope you understand.

Oh, one more thing. I saw this book I gave you years ago, it still looks new and the same from the outside –still neatly wrapped in its original plastic. Please do me the favor of tearing down the plastic, and reading the book. I would greatly appreciate it. (And if it is not possible to carve the title in your heart, just promise me you will always remember it because it’s an absolute truth. Mwah.).

And I really hope I am not being mean now.

Cheesy

While trying to decide on a topic to write about, I have been reading the Net, so much so that it is already making my eyes puffy and teary (equals blurry vision) at this very instant that I can hardly make out the letters on the keyboard.

But I am still thinking of things to write, err more like rant and rave about but I cannot find something interesting (for me but may not be for others..haha). I am looking for some drama, but found none lately. Ah, boring me living a less than ordinary life.

But yes, I read something that reminds me of bowling, makes me remember one particular bowling game even. Yep, bowling the sport. Although I am not ultra athletic type of girl, I do make an effort to know some sport (trying hard, hahah!) when I have the time (used to have time, back to pre-Matt days). But I must admit I haven't found one sport that I excel in. How will I when I cannot find the muscle to constantly practise? I am always making excuses not to, hmm, lazy-muscled me. Think, there's even a gym in the office but I have not used it for its purpose but for some event that doesn't require moving a muscle like catching some zzz sometimes. *winks*. But, maybe I am just not cut to be a sports buff (excuse again! haayy..).

Oh, forgive the zigzagging of thoughts (gee, as if I haven't done this in my previous blogs, hehe)..

Yes, I have been thinking about bowling. It just came into my mind, this one bowling game I played with hubby (but try as I might, I cannot exactly remember whether hubby was still my bf or already my hubby then, give me some time.. I am still trying to recall up to this time). A game we played in CDO. So far, that was the first bowling game we had in CDO (because our bowling matches were always in Cebu) and it was a fun-slash-terrible game.

As usual, I was not making much points and hubby was teasing me about how my game sucks because he knew I would always take the bait. And to think we already had an existing big fight (that got me mad and maybe he did, too) over a petty thing (am sure, but one I couldn't remember) before we settled for a bowling date. So I was already upset before we stepped on the bowling alley. And he must be annoyed already. Imagine, the tension building, anger brewing and all ready to explode (the latter is about me, haha) game after game. We threw scornful-slash-almost-playful remarks at each other (we always do this when playing anything, getting into each other's nerves and alternately trying to make the other one mad..one bad habit common to both of us!). I was playing with rage, exasperation written all over my face. At the same time, I was sulking like a child because I have it in my mind that the mood of dates should be light, romantic, sweet, pleasant and more. But no, this date was not and was not in the least nice.

But unexpectedly and surprisingly, maybe after so much exertion and we got tired with the exchange of nastiness, we stopped fighting. Can't remember now how it happened but we just did calm down after sometime. Just as fast as we fabricated cruel comments, we stopped talking altogether for a moment or two and stopped acting each other's antagonist. Maybe we just lost all the energy to fight, everything -rage, frustration, anger- already spent and channeled somewhere. And we managed to make peace with each other, we patched and made up before we said our goodnights. And I can still recall how good that felt (the "reconcilation", I mean). Sweating and dead tired but happy in the end.

So what's my point. Nothing. I just remembered. Maybe I am just writing these thoughts because we-hubby and me- had a very long hearty talk last night, which lasted til the wee hours in the morning, something we've never had for the longest time.

(**And now, I am calling this post cheesy!)

Senti

Today, I wanted to be like Hiro Nakamura (a character from the series Heroes who can teleport to the future and back, and can beat time and space). I wanted to freeze time, to stop it ticking to the next day, when I will be boarding the plane that would take me away from my son for 2 weeks!

Today, I repeatedly told my son that he will not be able to see Mama for 2 weeks, that I won’t be sleeping with him starting tomorrow night. He just stared at me. I told him to think that Mama will be thinking of him everyday even if he couldn’t see me; and when he sees his Pooh Bear, to just think that Mama is with him. To which he responded by picking up and hugging his bear (his version of hugging is crushing the bear under his weight, wrestling type).

One of those days

My mother, on a whim, suggested that we go out to eat lunch today. She must have wanted to stress out that today is a Family day being a Sunday. So we (my sister, Joy, my father and my mother, and my son Matt and I) found ourselves eating in a dimsum resto in the nearest mall .

Birthdays. Holidays. Christmas. It's usually on times like this that I so miss my 2 brothers (older one in Abra; the younger one is in SoKorea) , my sister (in Japan) and my husband (of course! who has flown to Japan just this morning).

Emo!

There used to be 3 ladies in the office. Che. Me. And then May Ann. (The order is also arranged according to hiring dates).

We all worked in the Switch (a telecom jargon which could sometimes be called central office or CO to some). When the switch group disintegrated a couple of years or so ago, May Ann was transferred into another group (but still held office here). When that department fell apart, she was relocated to Butuan. Later on, she resigned and took her leave from this company. She is happily working for a telco in Sydney , Australia now.

Che. When our original group disintegrated, she and I were moved to join another group. When we were regrouped, she and I got in the same group again. A month ago, she was given (not offered, but this is a company-initiated move to relocate her) a post in Ozamis. She really had no choice but to go ( This is because from the very start of our employment in this company, we all signed an agreement, a waiver, on possible relocation –anytime and anywhere-- should the company sees the need. Otherwise, we resign.). And effective today, Che (who btw will soon immigrate to Canada with her family) reports to a base in Ozamis City.

So that leaves me with this fact: I am the only “she” in the office now. No big deal. Really. To be honest, I really have no problem being in an all-male environment. Back in college, there were only 2 of us girls in our class. Choosing a used-to-be-male-dominated career, I kinda developed a mindset that should have prepared me for something inevitable such as this. But why am I getting emotional and anxious? Yup, I have no problem with walking around the corridors of this building. And definitely, no prob working with these men. I have been working with these people for almost 6 years, and I am as comfortable working with them as walking in Havaianas slippers. But man oh man, there will be times when we would long for a woman’s company to hear us out with our woes in life. And sometimes we need a little dose of that girly-ish chitchats just to keep our sanity. And then there will be times when we need to ask the point of view of another woman, be it personal or not.

As for the moment, I cannot imagine who to ask whether this email I am composing sounded too emotional and lady-like.

Do you have an extra liner? Or tissue? Or napkin? Questions that I will no longer utter tomorrow and in the future.

Lonesome

Funny how a picture can elicit this much emotions. And funny how I can get so melodramatic at an instance such as this.

At last, I was able to open my mail when I got in the office today. I wasn’t able to do so at home. Must be because of the bulk of the attachment that opening it using my phone this morning is a hopeless case. Just when I needed to.

So this is the email that my husband sent the other night which I didn’t receive--that he had to resend last night. These are his pics, must have been taken during one of their excursions somewhere in Cebu. He had this “sniper” attire on and I have no idea when or where these were taken. I am surprised; and it's a pleasant feeling.

As I was staring at the picture on the screen, you bet that I really am smiling. But deep inside I’m throbbing with -fine, let’s admit it- this thingie called loneliness. I can’t help it. Miss my hubby, big time. Esp that he’s flown to Japan just this morning (and will be staying there for 3 weeks or so).

And so I thought I’m already used to him being away from us. Yeah, I thought. And sadly, I'm wrong. Ah, seas apart even if he’s in the country -most of the time, that is. But then, the difference is I could just easily get to him when he’s in Cebu – with just a phonecall. Faster than any jetplane. Anytime. Anywhere. Which is something I couldn’t do now.